Television station W T R F (covering the areas of Wheeling, West Virginia, and Steubenville, Ohio), reported on May 23, 2006, that there are definite signs that an abuser -- whether past behavior has been just emotional abuse or actual physical abuse -- has moved to the stage where the abusive relationship may become lethal (Webster's dictionary: "causing death").
Quoted from the West Virginia Coalition Against Domestic Violence:
The common signs of a batterer are: overly jealous, tries to isolate their victim, uses verbal put downs and controls the money.
More importantly, signs which indicate that one day the abuse may turn into homicide are:
Your abuser attempting to strangle you (They might be successful next time.)
Waiving or threatening with weapons (The next step is to actually use the weapon.)
Talking about killing you or about killing themselves (They may really do it.)
Showing signs of depression (Many people, men especially, act out their feelings. Hopelessness can push a person over the edge to do something they wouldn't normally do.)
Ownership of you, along with anxiety or violence about separating from you. (The old "If I can't have you, no one can have you.")
As has been mentioned on this blog before, the first two weeks after the separation from an abuser is the most dangerous time for the victim and her/his children.
If you're scared and in trouble with an abuser, call the National Domestic Violence hotline -- 1 - 800 - 799 - S A F E (7233). Quoted on their web site today (www.ndvh.org) is the statistic that 10 Murder-Suicides Occur Each Week in America.
Be careful, friends. Statistics show that 25 per cent of the domestic violence murders of women are witnessed by their children.
Oh, Julie. I'm glad you found this site to at least post your pain -- physical and emotional -- over the abusive treatment you received from your boyfriend.
Are you familiar with how a person acts when they have Bordeline Personality Disorder?
It's estimated that 30 to 60 percent of abusive people are actually suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.
Intense, unstable relationships -- inability to accept responsibility for their behavior -- jealousy -- physical abuse -- are all symptoms of a domestic violence abuser AND also symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.
The sad thing is that we love the good person -- the person we fell in love with -- the person they *wish* they could be.
But without deep mental health treatment, the person we fell in love with will always turn into the abusive person we wish would go away. They simply can't maintain their good behavior for very long before they get triggered into anger and then abuse.
The hardest part is to walk away from the good part of the person we love, to protect ourselves.
How are doing now? Did you get the treatment you needed for your pain? And where are you in your relationship with your boyfriend now?
Post back to us. We care.
Lynn Melville
Posted by: Lynn Melville | July 02, 2007 at 11:06 PM
you can never tell...i've just come off of a horrible incident from the past 30 minutes or so. the bone of my right hand is severely bruised, my back hurts and my already injured knee and elbow (both injured actually from a slip at work), which he knew were in recovery are now in a fair amount of pain. and i called him to tell him he left some of his things here, and that i wouldn't be here to give them to him because i would be at the hospital getting treatment. his reponse? "well, it was your fault, you were reaching out your hand to block me" (i was actually just reaching out to touch his shoulder to try and calm him down) and "that was abusive behaviour"...
so unfortunately in my case he's fully aware of abusive relationships. he's already had a restraining order from a previous girlfriend, a pending case for assault and battery from a previous roommate, and he got into a physical fight with his ex-boyfriend a month after they broke up but before i dated him - i didn't know either of them at the time, should have just cut and run then. but yes, he's fully aware of abusive relationships...he's just blaming me pathologically for every horrible thing he says or does to me.
i'm ignorant if i don't agree with a scientific theory. i'm an idiot if i don't "eat italian food the right way" in public. i'm homophobic if i don't like glam rock. i'm always *something*, regardless of whether i actually say it or not. regardless of what i say, he is always right. he doesn't need me for the arguments, but he needs me for the physical fights.
i don't know how far he's going to go next time. he's threatened to kill himself before, saying he had a huge knife and everything. at this point right now i would not even care... :'(
Posted by: JuliaJolie | June 03, 2007 at 10:11 AM