Stop the Abuse

TEEN DATING VIOLENCE is as Serious as Adult Domestic Violence

I was astonished to read in the Princeton, Illinois, Bureau County Republican newspaper that one in five teens in a serious relationship report they have been hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.  Puppy love seems so cute, doesn't it?  Yet there it is again, the staggering statistics of one person hurting another, beginning at very young ages.

I believe many of these budding victimizers are showing early signs of Borderline Personality Disorder.  As a culture, we're color blind to the behaviors of Borderlines and thus excuse it.  Check out the Red Flags section of my web site -- http://www.boomeranglove.com/asp/redflags-20.asp -- for over 70 behaviors linked to a person suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. 

When we see the abusive behavior, most of us don't know how to recognize it for what it really is.  Nor do we know that there is now effective mental health treatment for people suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.

To read more about how to recognize the behaviors and warning signs of teens being abused, read the book titled but I love him -- Protecting Your Teen Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships by Dr. Jill Murray.  Dr. Murray is a licensed psychotherapist who speaks to thousands of students and parents around the country each year on the topic of abusive teen relationships.  She has a private practice in Laguna Niguel, California.

Has your teenager been the victim of date violence?  How did you handle it?  Were you a victim of abuse as a teenager?  Click on the Comments link below to share your journey with us.  Let's start talking about this.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE vs Blind Acceptance of Abuse

One of my joys is relationship coaching people as they crawl their way out of their abusive relationship -- whether it be someone who's been physically abused or just emotionally abused (as if one was only Abuse Lite).  All of my clients are in various stages of getting out and healing -- from the raw, road kill phase to the empowered "No one's going to walk on me again !" stage.

The theme of my book, Breaking Free from Boomerang Love -- Getting Unhooked from Abusive Borderline Relationships (check it out at www.boomeranglove.com) is our tendency as partners to leave the painful, abusive relationship -- only to turn right back around and go back to it again.  Why do we do that?  What is it in our past that draws us back in?

I'm thinking of a client I spoke with on the phone this week, someone becoming stronger every day in her feelings of empowerment, putting the pieces of her life back together again, and digging around in her gut as to how and why she got into -- and remained -- in such an abusive relationship for so long. 

She spoke of how strongly she had believed that if she could just love her partner enough, she could make up for the troubled childhood he'd had.  She thought that somehow her love would heal the holes in his spirit and his rages would disappear -- he would remain the man she'd fallen in love with all the time, not turn into someone she wondered if she'd eventually have to get a restraining order on.

She's proud of her ability to not return other people's anger with her own anger, has always been the kind of person who would give you the shirt off her back, and endlessly forgiving.  But this week she seems to have turned the corner in deciding what kind of person she's willing to allow into her life.

She said it perfectly -- "Unconditional love doesn't mean blind acceptance of abuse."  Couldn't have said it better myself.

What do you think about this issue?  Have you done the same thing?  Click on the Commentary link below to share your thoughts on this.  I'd love to hear from you, as I'm sure the other visitors to my blog would also.

COURT: Previous Physical Abuse Will Be Revealed

Hello, faithful readers.  I'm back, after a much-needed break.  Being a book author and a public speaker and a relationship coach -- not to mention taking care of my long term care insurance clients (see my website for bio details -- www.boomeranglove.com) -- plus the holidays, just sent me into my cave for a while.

But I'm back, and cheering for Woodstock, Illinois, in the Chicago area.  A judge there has ruled that allegations of domestic violence throughout a more than 40-year marriage will be admissible at a trial for a man accused of attempting to kill his wife in 2004.

It's about time.  Nichole Owens, criminal chief for the state's Atorney's Office, stated that, "Just because no one witnessed the attacks shouldn't erode the statement's legitimacy.  That is how the defendant operated.  He attacked the victim while no one was there."

What do you think about this ruling?  Should the previous violent attacks be told to the jury?  Click on the 'Comments' link below to share your thoughts.