One of my joys is relationship coaching people as they crawl their way out of their abusive relationship -- whether it be someone who's been physically abused or just emotionally abused (as if one was only Abuse Lite). All of my clients are in various stages of getting out and healing -- from the raw, road kill phase to the empowered "No one's going to walk on me again !" stage.
The theme of my book, Breaking Free from Boomerang Love -- Getting Unhooked from Abusive Borderline Relationships (check it out at www.boomeranglove.com) is our tendency as partners to leave the painful, abusive relationship -- only to turn right back around and go back to it again. Why do we do that? What is it in our past that draws us back in?
I'm thinking of a client I spoke with on the phone this week, someone becoming stronger every day in her feelings of empowerment, putting the pieces of her life back together again, and digging around in her gut as to how and why she got into -- and remained -- in such an abusive relationship for so long.
She spoke of how strongly she had believed that if she could just love her partner enough, she could make up for the troubled childhood he'd had. She thought that somehow her love would heal the holes in his spirit and his rages would disappear -- he would remain the man she'd fallen in love with all the time, not turn into someone she wondered if she'd eventually have to get a restraining order on.
She's proud of her ability to not return other people's anger with her own anger, has always been the kind of person who would give you the shirt off her back, and endlessly forgiving. But this week she seems to have turned the corner in deciding what kind of person she's willing to allow into her life.
She said it perfectly -- "Unconditional love doesn't mean blind acceptance of abuse." Couldn't have said it better myself.
What do you think about this issue? Have you done the same thing? Click on the Commentary link below to share your thoughts on this. I'd love to hear from you, as I'm sure the other visitors to my blog would also.