DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & BORDERLINE BEHAVIOR COMPARED

Statistically, it's estimated that 30 to 60 percent of domestic violence abusers are suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder .  So why doesn't the domestic violence industry (administrators, organizations, shelters, counselors, legislators) tell DV victims about that?

I believe that if DV victims were informed and educated about the feelings driving the behavior of DV abusers, they could many times actually prevent the abuse from coming their way.  The new information, of course, wouldn't heal or restore the abuser to health -- but it would at least buy some time for the victims to safely plan their exit.

The absolute core feeling -- and desperate fear -- of a BPD is that of being abandoned.  Therefore, they seem jealous -- controlling -- hypersensitive.  Of course they blame us for their feelings and problems -- because if we didn't do what we do (get home late from work, spend time with a friend whose mother is dying, stay up late studying because we're trying to advance our career) -- they wouldn't feel abandoned !  Can you see the logic here?

I believe the rest of the DV abuser's behavior -- verbal abuse, rigid gender expectations and roles, dramatic personality swings, threats of violence, using force during an argument, etc. -- can be traced back to the desperation of a man (or woman) acting out the fear and rage of the abandoned child grown up.  He fears the childhood terrors of being abandoned again -- and by gosh, he's going to prevent it this time.  Now he's a grown-up and "nobody's going to do that to me again".

Below are the "Indicators of a Battering Personality", courtesy of Domestic Violence Solutions of Santa Barbara County, California.  Below also are the behaviors of a person suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, as described in the mental health profession's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV. 

You decide for yourself whether the behaviors aren't much the same.  You might also check out the over 80 Red Flag behaviors listed on my Boomerang Love web site that indicate the possibility of a Borderline disorder.

INDICATORS OF A BATTERING PERSONALITY

* Controlling behavior

* Jealousy

* Unrealistic expectations

* Hypersensitivity

* Quick involvement in the relationship

* Attempts to isolate you

* Tendency to blame others for problems or feelings

* Cruelty to animals or children

* Verbal abuse

* Rigid gender expectations and roles

* Dramatic personality swings

* Threats of violence

* Throwing, striking, or breaking objects

* Using force during an argument

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER -- DSM-IV

* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

* A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

* Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

* Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

* Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

* Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

* Chronic feelings of emptiness

* Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

* Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe disassociative symptoms

Do you recognize any of these behaviors in your intimate partner, family member, friend or co-worker?  Be a part of the conversation about this issue.  Comment below to let us know your thoughts.

Comments

[Lynn Melville]

Such an interesting comment, Brian. First, that figure of 75% of Borderlines being female is incorrect, despite what the mental health profession says. Do you know where they get those statistics? From Borderines who are *hospitalized*, usually for attempted suicide -- most of whom are women. But what about all the other thousands of high-functioning Borderlines who cause so much pain that their partnrs go running into therapists' offices? The current statistics from the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) say that 30 percent of DV is female to male, so a "non-gendered" definition of DV is needed. Lastly, thank you for agreeing that most men are "typically diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) but it's the same thing as the Borderline disorder." I rest my case that the male DV abusers sitting in jail, diangosed as having APD, in reality are Borderlines -- frantically afraid that their partner will leave (abandon) them (and so therefore are controlling, jealous and ultimately physically abusive when everything else doesn't work).

[Brian]

Because women account for 75% of all diagnoses for BPD. Associating BPD with DV would be a bad thing for feminists seeking to maintain ideas that would promote a non-gendered definition of DV.

Men are typically diagnosed with APD but more or less, it's the same thing as BPD.