It was the morning of January 1st -- the very special year of 2000 -- when I sat down at my computer and searched for the term 'borderline personality disorder'. A friend with a mental health degree had mentioned to me that my former partner was probably a borderline.
What a day that was. Eight hours later, piles of tissues around my feet, still in my sweats, I knew the 'name of my pain' -- BPD. All of the confusion and craziness -- interractions I couldn't understand or explain -- were clear.
I had been trying to interact with a disorder that I had no clue was there.
Somewhere in my Internet searching, I found the online support group for partners and family members of BPDs called the Land of Oz. If you'd like to read the posts -- and possibly post yourself -- you can subscribe by sending a blank email to LandofOz-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
The Land of Oz is so named because when we're in a relationship with a BPD, crazy things happen (like monkeys flying out of trees), and we're left devastated. We stuff our straw back into our shirt (like the Straw Man), try to walk down the yellow brick road (heading for happiness, we think), only to be attacked by the flying monkeys again.
And, of course, there's the allusion to the Wicked Witch of the West (trying to do us in) and the Wizard of Oz (hiding behind a screen, pretending to be other than he really is) -- an allusion to our BPDs.
And then there's Dorothy, who was told that she had the power all along to change her life and make it happy and fulfilling again (get back to Kansas). All she had to do was click her heels together (take the steps necessary to make it happen).
The goal of the LOO posters is to 'get back to Kansas' (a normal life again). The site is moderated by Elyce Benham, a mental health professional with 19 years of experience working with BPDs. We call her the Good Witch Glenda.
It's now 2006, and I still read the posts daily, frequently going online to offer hope and support to those still in the trenches. Many posters have partners with alcohol and drug problems, are fearful of the domestic violence they're living in, and are struggling with post traumatic stress disorder as the result of living with their BPD partners.
And a large percentage of the posters on LOO are men -- testimony to the reality that men are abused partners, also.
I can't recommend this site enough for those still in painful BPD relationships.
(NOTE: Also recommended is the online support group through Yahoo called Welcome to Oz. Subscribe at WelcometoOz-subscribe@yahoo.com.)
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