WHY DON'T WE LEAVE ABUSERS?

BARRIERS TO LEAVING AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, Courtesy of Domestic Violence Solutions, County of Santa Barbara, California:

Contrary to popular belief, people do not always stay in an abusive relationship because they lack self-esteem (although self-esteem is typically one of the first casualties of abuse).  Here are some of the other significant reasons:

* Love ("My partner has many good qualities and I really do love him/her.")

* Loyalty ("If he/she had cancer, I'd stay.")

* Economic dependence ("How will I support myself and the children?")

* Religious beliefs ("Marriage is a sacred vow.  Turn the other cheek.")

* Family pressure ("Keep the family together.")

* Responsibility/guilt ("If I were a better partner, he/she wouldn't treat me this way.")

* Denial/Minimizing ("It's really not so bad.")

* Optimism ("Things will get better.  My partner is just going through a difficult time right now.")

* Gender conditioning ("This is the way men/women are.")

* Fear ("I don't know how I'd cope with home, work, and the children by myself.")

* Security ("I always thought I'd marry and live happily ever after.")

* Shame ("I don't want anyone to know.")

* Survival ("He/she will never let me leave.  He/she will kill me first.")